Labour - never knowingly unconventional

Labour. Never knowingly unconventional. Conformity is the safest policy for a nervous party. That's why even though fixed, five-year terms have proved to be at least a year too long, we're not proposing to scrap them.

It's also why the people's Ed supported the Clegg alternative vote referendum - a useless system which would have benefitted only the Lib-Dems. It's why we supported the Barry proposal to reduce the number of MPs which would have made a redistribution damaging to us inevitable.

Finally, it's why we've committed to reducing the debt and eliminating the deficit, damaging as both processes will be to economic growth.

Boldness isn't our friend any more. Don't want to frighten anyone do we?

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Grandson ventured to tell me I was wrong to oppose more anti-terrorist controls. "Shut up", I gently explained. The people who indoctrinate these petty crooks to kill want to create a fear and hatred of Muslims and a gulf between communities and repression plays into their hands.

These manipulators present themselves as religious prophets, because that's the best way to get murderers to kill and kill themselves without pay like trainee suicide bombers - happy to go to heaven with 72 hijabless virgins as their reward for criminal killings (offer restricted to male applicants only. Terms and conditions apply). A better prospect for credulous fools than life alternating between prison and the ghetto.

Grandson didn't agree. He's very New Labour.

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Can't David Cameron think of a better excuse for dodging his democratic duty than hiding behind the Groins of the Greens? Bit feeble, that one, when he told us in 2010 that TV debates were here to stay.

Forget Vote Blue, get Green. It's Vote Blue, get nought!